Bottle it Up or Open Up and Say things Out

Bottle it Up or Open Up and Say things Out

If I am caught up in the dilemma between if I should bottle issues up or simply say them out, chances are that I will rather bottle them up as opposed to saying them out. The logical explanation for this lies in the fact that I am a man.

But over time I am beginning to realize that times are changing fast. It looks so old school for a man to bottle issues up and the swag seems to be that of voicing issues out. The generation that gets caught in between the bottling man and the opening up man is the most favored.

Why should I say so? Well, a while ago, I eavesdropped on a conversation between some women who were discussing something to the effect that there is an ever-increasing need to raise men as opposed to what they termed as the confused cream that calls itself men today.

I had to swallow a bitter lump realizing that maybe I was being placed in the confusing category elsewhere if not by these very women’s words. I know eavesdropping is wrong, but this discussion tempted me to listen to it a little more than is permitted.

These ladies went on to describe what their perception of a man should be. The man who is in charge stands tall and epitomizes the symbol of man. The man who is confident and becomes the tier breaker when a decision needs to be made. The man who is not a loose talker and is well aware of when to talk and when to keep quiet.

By the time these ladies left, I had connected the dots. They were talking about the husband of one of their friends. The special group of men who share everything with their women. I called him special since I have lived this life hearing women say that they desire to have a man who shares everything with them about their daily life in its entirety.

I looked up to be that special man until I eavesdropped on this conversation. And the damage was instant as I began to debate within me about the boundaries to which a man needs to keep when it comes to sharing issues with their women.

On a second note, I became confused as to what women need. You bolt up issues, an alarm gets raised that someone is hiding something and should not be trusted. You decide to say things out openly and in totality, you are labeled a loose man.

So, the conclusion becomes one most definitely. One has to be in the very middle. Knowing how to balance between when, how and what to say out is the matrix of survival. It is not about being labeled a chameleon but rather defending the masculinity of men which is under siege.

Would you, as a man, desire to be called good for nothing or a chameleon? A chameleon is far much better because you will still retain some pact of being a man.  A good for nothing is something so valueless that it needs to be thrown away and trampled on the streets.

In fact, like a chameleon, we (women and men) need to learn how to adapt to circumstances as well as changing times. The modern man is being compelled to open up and not bolt issues up as has been the norm for the high testosterone cream yet this should be done very carefully in such a way that it safeguards the very things that define a man.

To men reading this, you have a choice to bolt up and be the old man that women ‘miss’ once in a while or open up and say everything and risk the ridicule that there is no man in you or still choose to be the in-between group that determines the circumstances before choosing to sail according to the waves.

For me, I am still digesting the conversation from those women. The danger, however, is one. The more I think about their conversation in its entirety, the more I get confused about what is best between the three options I presented in the preceding paragraph. Maybe I will call myself, in totality, for a vote and see.

Geoffrey Ndege

Geoffrey Ndege

Geoffrey Ndege is the Editor and topical contributor for the Daily Focus. He writes in the areas of Science, Politics, Policy, Technology, Current Affairs, Opinion, Agriculture, Energy, Education, Entrepreneurship, Governance, International Emerging Issues, Society, and culture. For featuring, promotions or support write to us at
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