Girl: I am Dusting my feet off and moving on.
About a year and a half ago, I wrote an article titled The Man is Dead (Follow the link and read the whole of it, but I will give a glimpse of what it talks about.) In a nutshell, it rubs around the concept of us or some of our friends “dying” in our midst while they are still living with us.
In order to connect well with it, I will give an example that touches on most if not all of us. It may not be our present situation but something that has happened to us in the past or may happen to us in the future. An example of loneliness.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were “lonely?” or have you ever been married and still felt “lonely” as though there was nothing like a marriage in the first place? Better still, have you ever been in the midst of a lot of people and still felt very lonely?
If your answer to any of those questions was in the affirmative, then you can connect somehow with the words from The Man is Dead. I borrow a leaf from that post together with another one I wrote in January this year titled Transformation; The Power to Overcoming Loneliness to tell a story about one of my friends.
The thing about “dying” and living sometimes has something to do with seasons. For instance, there is a season when self as well as society puts undocumented and unspoken pressure on young people about matters to do with marriage and relationships. It’s a feeling sired from the fact that maybe all your peers are in a relationship or married and you find yourself aloof in the jungle of singlehood.
With the current fast life, things can often slip out of control, and you find yourself stressed and that is when loneliness creeps and you feel segregated. In a world where material possessions define the meaning of living most of the time, it is very easy to lose track and find yourself lost in a vast land mass you didn’t plan to go to in the first place due to the rat race in a bid to fit in.
This situation can spiral out of proportion even the more when one finds themselves battling two wars at the same time. One is without a matter of choice – where one has to get out of the “death” zone – and live because the quality of a man’s life is often dictated by the quality of his relationships with other people.
So, in order not to be seen as someone who doesn’t exist, yet he does, I hope you understand, often one has to pull up his/her socks and be there, care, listen to people, be supportive, and exist as a social being and not an island somewhere emotionally detached.
The second war becomes a choice and is the topic of the day. Forget The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love, here one fall in love squarely and deeply and get obscured by the beauty of the moment. Then their partner puts them under a unique pressure that often does more harm than good.
Because women are visual beings, they tend to put their men on their toes to meet their demands some of which are often unheard of in this world. For a fact, it happened to my friend. He met this beautiful girl and spoke to her in the best language he thought was “best.” He poured out his heart and soul to her.
Maybe we need to discuss what qualifies as a good vibe for a girl because if anything some of us are just as bad as to know anything of the sweet nothing lines girls want to hear. Anyway, my guy gave it his best and the girl accepted.
But something was odd. From the word go, things were more of drawn lines in which the man had to push or pull himself to meet without debate. From partying to buying expensive things, the latest brand of car, and going to the best destinations for holidays. If he tried saying he was on a tight budget, the girl would threaten to go and because he loved how beautiful she was, he couldn’t let her go.
It worked for some time but at some point, it became unbearable. My guy couldn’t go on with it. Something magical happened. I began by talking about people who die in our midst and yet they live, in this case, my guy saw her bae die in him. Unfortunately though, he too died inside of himself. That is where loneliness crippled in and yes, they were in a relationship, but for the man it was a very lonely one.
And now my guy started slowly transitioning to being a philosopher like the man who didn’t believe in love. Fortunately, his sanity was with him and instead of philosophizing, he did what he thought was right and ought to have been done very early on. My friend called it quits. He simply told her, “you are very beautiful and attractive, but you would be happier where means are never debatable and instead seek avenues to be spent on. For me, I dust my feet off and decided to move on.”
Funny enough, she wasn’t surprised. She remarked how she anticipated for that moment. And when my man met his ‘boys’ club, a division erupted about his decision. Some felt he did the right thing, the other faction rubbished him off for simply failing to take care of a woman. Unfortunately, I am not part of my friend’s boys club, and so all I could do is share his experience.
I know this story can happen to and anyone – both gender – but because this case was of a woman to a man, I am left to pick the lessons. For sure, not everything that shines is gold but then every dog has its day.
My good my friend has had his day, maybe you’ve had or will have yours but most importantly I prays it doesn’t get here in the first place for you. Never ever forget your heart (mind) anywhere and always remember you’re are a human being.