Men and Women; Ego and Emotions.
A Monk was asked a question, “Sir, how can we make our marriages work?” His first response was funny and interesting. He said, “You are asking the wrong person.” In other words, the question was right, the environment was right but the recipient was a wrong one.
This was a senior unmarried man for that matter. I thought he must have been the chair of the international bachelor’s club and by answering so, he was trying to protect the interests of the club. Nevertheless, he went ahead to try and answer it.
He first started by giving an example about a newly married couple who came to him for blessings that their marriage would work. Both of them had been in about five marriages all of which had failed. They seriously wanted this one to work and be their last one.
One of them was Germany and the other French I suppose. So, the Monk asked the Germany if he knew French and English to which he firmly answered no. Next, he turned to the French lady and asked her if he she knew Germany and English to which she also answered no.
He then advised them not to learn any of those languages. If they would do so, then this time it could work. His point was simple, conflicts in marriage as well as in other spheres of life are as result of words. Our reception to those words is another story all together.
How we perceive those words is what brings all the difference now that men and women have differences in ow words impact their sub conscious minds. The woman will receive the words and weigh them against the effect they have on her emotions. The man on the hand will weigh the words spoken to him in terms of how they impact his ego.
Understanding the science of men and women can go a long way to help us solve a lot of problems that weigh down on society. This works in all spheres of life as we shall notice. So as a general point to note, women are women at home and at work as well as everywhere as is the same case with men.
The simplest principle that rules our science is very basic, “as a man, never use words that affect the emotions of the woman in a negative manner. As a woman, never use words that diminish the ego of a man.” Knowing this and practicing it goes a long way to ensure we are a peaceful society.
Let me use a marriage scenario now that that is where I centered my introduction. If your husband has challenges with being in charge as a man, never scold him that he is not man enough. In fact, never should any words that affect his ego come from your mouth. Encourage him instead.
If for example you told him that he is a cabbage, truth be told that he will become one even if he wasn’t meant to be. Another bitter truth is that should you as a wife live by the true principles of marriage till death do us part, then you will live with that cabbage for the rest of your life.
And suppose you be in a place where other people are, then they use diminishing words on your partner which you know will affect his ego, you simply stand behind him, rub his shoulder and remind him that he is your best. Of course, he will trust you more than the others because to him, you have lived with him and hence know him better than them.
As for the women, they are emotional human beings. All you can do is ensure that her emotions are safeguarded. If you notice she is telling you something about her family or friends, don’t comment aimlessly as a man or the words you use can be used against you.
I guess men can remember a time when their women came ranting about their family and friends and then they went ahead to give their observations as well as innocent remarks and she angrily told you, “so now you are taking their side too.”
The fact is that in your commenting, you thought you were helping her yet you were being weighed. Most of the stuff women tell men require only listening and little of commenting. Simply listen to them and comment something out of this world which they will take ages to connect.
In the book, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook by Steve Doocy, he deeply addresses the simple question women ask all the time, “do I look fat in these pants?” In the book, Steve notes that when men are asked this question, they keep quiet for some time unsure of what to answer.
In the process, the adrenaline hormones in the woman have already told her that he thinks I am fat and before long it is all about shedding tears and un-endless apologizing. So, for example, what are men supposed to say when confronted with such a question.
Steve Doocy advices men to answer immediately, “No habla ingles” (translation: I don’t speak English.” In other words, by the time she figures out the meaning of the words and realizes you didn’t answer her question, you are off the hook and probably her madness to you is in safe levels.
This brings us to the final aspect of forgetting the past. The thing that affects men’s ego and women’s emotion in many parts of this life is the aspect of reminding each other about the past. For example, a man remembering something in the past and asking their woman, “do you really love me?” is chaos already brewed in advance.
Or a woman remembering something the husband didn’t get them in the past and bringing it in the present and indirectly imply to the man, “are you man enough?” is as you realize a ripe ground for animosity in that marriage or relationship.
In simple terms, when you notice whatever you want to tell you partners or friend will affect their ego or emotions, kindly shelf it. And remark to them instead, why do you love me this excess? Sooner you start a whole lot new path of communication that leads you towards appreciating yourselves which will make both of you happy.