Emptiness and Anger; Reflections and How to Manage These 2 Serious Feelings.

Emptiness is associated with a feeling of meaninglessness. It is a state where an individual feels as though life lacks meaning and there is a void in one’s life. Anger on the other hand depicts feelings of displeasure, hostility, annoyance, irritation, and displeasure among others.

Depending on how we look at it, emptiness is different things to different people. Like a relationship stage, some people can equate it to a season. It is there at some point and vanishes at another. Yet it is not so for others. To them, it is a style of life. Nothing seems to fill the hollow space in their lives resulting from endless misfortunes time and again.

It is easier now to see why emptiness and anger seem to go hand in hand. When people think their life is not worth living, they tend to cultivate a careless attitude. In other words, they have nothing to lose on whichever side of the coin they choose. To begin with, the emptiness itself is a sign that they are not happy.

And that is how they view everything around them. They develop an attitude of expecting negative things only. They adopt a state of receiving ‘bad’ which for them is purportedly normal. As such, the person becomes reactive by default. You greet them with vigor and they return lethargy.

Emptiness as a season

We can agree though that we all have been in a state of emptiness at some point. It often follows the loss of a loved one, rejection, a period of loneliness, or heartbreak most of the time. I am sure we can identify with one or the other here.

At a personal level, I have had instances when emptiness has made itself at home in me. This results from both social and cultural levels. Human beings are social beings. Yet when the opportunities to create social bonds diminish, feelings of loneliness creep in and it is only a matter of time before a void develops that needs other people to fill it.

Culturally, it has been my habit to ascribe meaning to everything that happens in my life intellectually. Not only that but also any steps I undertake and activities I get involved in. Unfortunately, I realized sooner that there is only too much meaning I can tag on everything in my life.

All these have happened at various times in my life journey. They have not been constant over extended periods. As a fact, I have been having feelings of emptiness lately and I am certain they have something to do with social inclination. I have been spending a lot of time in solitude.

Also, I have been seeking more fulfilment with self-seeking thoughts of ‘there must be more to life than I currently think.’ Like those before me, and more of you reading this, there is a purpose for our existence. Until I find mine, that feeling of not living my purpose fully creates an emptiness that needs to be filled with the eureka sigh of ‘this is it.’

Emptiness and anger

Until the void of emptiness gets occupied, I occasionally find myself angry at things I feel are deterrents. For instance, a while back I put my energy into helping somebody. I wanted to see them achieve this endeavour they had undertaken. I put in my time, one of the most valuable things to me, and to my amazement, they only put in the bare minimum effort.

My anger came from the fact that by giving my all, I was trying to fill my emptiness with a purpose. That of impacting someone’s life. The anger, for your information, was not towards the individual. I was angry at myself for putting in too much for somebody who didn’t value it.

It sounds like some ‘selfishness’ to expect the other person to put in an equivalent effort as I did yet their introductory part stated in the affirmative. Unfortunately, it seems all that was cheap talk. So, I was pained that I didn’t see that for what it was from the very beginning.

The good news is that I have learned not to react to everything that happens to me. As soon as I realized the same effort was not being reciprocated, I only put in the bare minimum. I hope it won’t be too late before my friend realizes the seriousness of the undertaking he set himself for.

Managing the two

My approach to managing anger is interesting. I have been having long hair for a while now for a reason. Whenever I feel angry, frustrated, empty, or stressed, I walk into the bath and start washing my hair and disentangling it. After 20 minutes of working on the hair, my feelings normalize.

I also took to cycling. It is very fulfilling I tell you. I cycle along paths with many trees besides enjoying bits of farming and gardening. That way, I don’t feel bored, or lonely and if I am angry, the boiling dissipates courtesy of nature. You can not feel angry at trees and vegetables you know.

Thirdly, writing and journaling have proved very effective. As of writing this piece, I was filled with feelings of disappointment because of some things that happened recently and during the respective day and I was looking for a way to tone down. I confirm it was a perfect antidote.

Another way is to speak to family members, chat with close friends, or with a partner. It helps to have a listening ear and feel cared for, listened to, and valued. These aspects help to a very large extent since a problem shared is a problem half solved.

We all indeed feel empty and angry often, or at some point in our lives and it is normal. Knowing how to deal with these feelings is important. By reaching out to friends, taking on a hobby, or getting involved in activities that take our thoughts away from these feelings, we can manage these seasons of our lives. It is joyous when one feels fulfilled and at peace with self.