Sleeping at Your In-Laws Place.

Sleeping at Your In-Laws Place.

The above statement elicits different tastes in people’s mouths depending on where you come from. To some people, sleeping over at their in-law’s place is taboo. To others, there is no big deal about it. After all, is it not a place like any other?

In this festive week, musician Nameless visited with his in-laws and as is with modern culture, he took a picture while there with a caption that he would not spend the night. It sparked a whole discussion on sleeping at our in-laws, one discussion that is not new and not about to end any time soon.

For instance, where I come from, sleeping at our in-law’s places is akin to a crime. The mere thought of it is ‘punishable.’ If our ancestors had woken up today and found the change in the culture, they could not fathom that and would quickly resort to their sleep of death.

But now that that is impossible, we can only sit and watch as things change even further. In a few generations to come, it wouldn’t be any big deal for one to visit their in-laws and put up with them for a few days even for my people of whom such a thing was so foreign, just a decade and a half ago, and perhaps is today.

For my brothers from eastern Kenya, this is something they are used to. I have many friends who have married from eastern Kenya and have had to face the shock of spending at their in-laws’ places from time to time.  They have had to juggle marriage ties visa vis remaining loyal to the dictates of culture.

Some have remained loyal to the cultural code and have never spent a night at their in-laws’ places. Others have pointed to civilization which according to them means finding a middle ground on some issues for the sake of perpetuity in family ties.

Another story I got is from central Kenya where the father-in-law can organize a party and invite all his sons together with their wives and his daughters with their husbands. At the party, all and sundry will be invited to the big table and share a meal.

Later, drinks will be served and if both parents-in -law do drink booze, then the children with their husbands and wives and parents will get drunk right there without any distinct boundaries. Listening to such stories makes one think they are episodes pulled down right from a Hollywood movie.

Keeping boundaries with your in-laws

What do you think of this subject? As I await your comments, I will weigh in briefly on what I think about the subject. However, my disclaimer is that I may be tempted to base my argument on what I believe is acceptable. Yet still, I will allow the change of time to play its part as well.

I will begin by telling a short story. There was this guy who went to visit his in-laws. He was the kind that eats to get tired and not to be satisfied. So, when food was served he played it cool to save face in front of his in-laws.

Later, the time for sleep came. He was ushered into a guest room in the main house. He lay down to sleep for the night. At midnight, hunger pangs woke him up. He had underplayed his system to what it was used to and as such he had to do something drastic if he was to sleep.

Fortunately, he had marked the kitchen door and woke up at midnight and tip-toed towards it with only his boxers and vest on. Unluckily though, as he closed the sitting room, the mother-in-law was coming downstairs to the same kitchen for a glass of water and the two came face to face. It was such a horrifying situation. This is one of those coincidences men never pray of.

For respect and honour to prevail, I think sleeping at in-laws’ places should be avoided. You may end up forgetting and spilling the beans on some things that are better where they are, or something may happen that may make you be disrespected to a very great extent like the case of our guy.

No wonder back in the day, it was necessary to keep moments of interaction with in-laws to acceptable limits only. Otherwise, it could go overboard and you find yourself in a very awkward situation with a highly regarded kin.

Surprisingly, things have changed though. The so-called in-laws have become digital, just as the generation of their children, and respect is a secondary thing. Respect for that matter has become subjective and it is okay to sleep over and spend a lot of time with your in-laws casually.

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to spend the night at your in-law’s place, do the right thing according to your beliefs. Factor in all the points of consideration and at the end you do the right thing, supposing the right thing here is objective rather than subjective. Hah, I hope you got it right.

Chunga mzizoeane na wakwe zako. What do you think? You can share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

 

 

 

Geoffrey Ndege

Geoffrey Ndege

Geoffrey Ndege is the Editor and topical contributor for the Daily Focus. He writes in the areas of Science, Manufacturing, Technology, Innovation, Governance, Management and International Emerging Issues. For featuring, promotions or support, reach out to us at info@dailyfocus.co.ke
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