The Mystery of Men in Black

I walked into the reception area late in the afternoon to celebrate with a friend who had just wedded the love of his life. Having missed the earlier bit of the event due to unavoidable circumstances, I was determined to at least do a technical show up. That is when I met with the men in black.

Talking of men in black and you can’t miss to notice that whenever people wear black suits, black ties, white shirts and black goggles; it means two things. They are either in a mourning mood or they are epitomizing the serious guys you don’t want to joke with. In simple terms bouncers.

Even if it were your friend, you walk into an event and you get them there in the dark attire and goggles, you often take a second thought to engage them because in the process they might think you want to cause a disruption and end up carrying you before realizing it was you and your greetings but then the damage could have been done in the face of the public dominion.

So in this wedding reception, the men in black were everything. At the podium during the cake cutting ceremony, they only gave the, “Don’t dare,” looks and everything was okay. During food serving, you couldn’t want to get thrown out into the bush with these same guys who cared less of what you think of them and more of how they executed their work.

To digress a little bit, I am talking of an all and sundry wedding. The people’s wedding where everybody attends with their own versions of what that wedding should be like. These are the sweet weddings where even the local madman, drunkards and all those that cause havoc attend.

Then it comes to the time of serving food and they just walk boldly from nowhere up to the front to serve food and demand that they get double portion because they will repay back. These guys never fear or shy from anything because of their nature. They are not of themselves but under the influence of their oppressors; the bottle and the like.

Come to the time of dancing and they will be willing to dictate the type of songs to be played. They will insist that the wedding couple should soil themselves in the mud or sand by insisting some funny dance styles where you sit down in the sand and do a chicken with chicks simply because it is a Mugithi dance or so.

In fact they will sometimes insist that a certain song be played before they can dance or else they will start throwing word around. Dirty words for that matter. And for this lesson, plus the misbehavior of such kind of uninvited guests, there is need for the men in black.

Imagine how these guys play a huge role in an invite only weddings where only twenty people attend and that is it. And the attendees are people known with their own respects and integrities to protect. Then you realize the event is being held in a gated only community but still the men in black rule supreme. What about these events where every Tom, Dick and Harry can come at will.

That is how I found myself standing at the periphery and simply observing how things unraveled as the wedding proceeded. I had an integrity and public image to protect (on a light note) supposing the ‘evil spirits’ that get into these guys came and they wanted to show the crowds that they are in control. At that moment they don’t care if you are their friend.

In fact they will carry you up in the air and throw you out with a few kicks even after realizing it is you and after the event they will follow you up to try and confess of their mistakes and ask for forgiveness blaming their nature of work and wondering how it did happen. By then all could have broken loose.

This wedding reminded me of a day I was taking a walk in one of the posh estates here in Nairobi where you meet very few people. Don’t ask me what I was doing their now that I don’t own a home their but I was enjoying a brisk walk on that morning. Then the presidential motorcade pops up from the corner in front of me.

One of the men in black from the presidential security stops and walks up to me and requests politely that I stop for just a moment till he passes by. A short while later they were gone and I was left to continue with my walk. The environment helped me in getting addressed with dignity. Were it to be in this other side of town, you get notified early enough and are expected to stand far away from the road. You don’t heed to this instruction and you serve as an example.

What is the conclusion of this whole matter then? That there will be an increasing demand of the services of the men in black going forward. From as simple as birthday parties, these guys can play a very big role to such events as big as rallies. Like they say it in my neighborhood, if you know, you know.

And you should be careful with them. Some of them are simply favored by their muscles and may not know of your rights and freedoms until after the damage is done. Allow them do their work politely and everybody goes home happy and satisfied.

And if you want to be one of them, eat heavy, hit the gym and put on a stony face and you could have bought yourself a ticket to joining this exclusive club. Wherever side you find yourself in this whole fiasco, I wish you nothing but the best.

End.

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